Do I know you?
Sometimes I sit back and think about my friends that have passed on in existance and as I was taking note of who they were I realized that I have buried a lot of friends to suicide. I then began to think, do I really know the people that I know? It started at 10 years old and I believe I have buried about 11 people to suicide alone. That is a large number seeing as I am only in my late 20's. I remember when my friend Kris left, I was stunned and saddened. Then I remember thinking, "Oh man, I was going to call him that day and I didn't," I beat myself up for years afterward thinking that I might have been able to do something to help him. When I finally talked to my mother about it, she gave me some wonderful advice. She said, "What would have happened if you did talk to him and he still committed suicide?" Well, I had never thought of it like that, I mean what would I have done. I then realized that I couldn't have done anything more than I had done. Time passes and so do more people and again I ask the question, "Do I know you?" When you are at your greatest low, no matter what time of day or night, do you know that you can call me for support? When it seems like the world is kickin your butt, do you know that you can email me for help? I understand the feelings and the emotions. I have been there, I know that dark space. I also know that there is always light and as my father always says, "All things come to pass." That is so simple, logical and comforting all at the same time. Who knew my parents were sages? Certainly not me :-). So I will say this, before it gets that deep and that dark please, I beg you, please call me and at least let's try to work through it. I just can't bear to bury another friend.
This entry is dedicated to Shaka, Kris, Emily, Jenny, Jamon and the others who didn't know. I really miss you guys.
Ms. Denva
5 comments:
Whew! Definitely a doozy. The only friend I can think of that commited suicide was Kris Boelte and I went through a little of that self imposed guilt myself, but what I realized (and what a lot of people should realize) is that if someone wants to end their life, they're going to attempt it. There is little anyone can say or do to dissuade them from that fate. The only thing we can be (unfortunately) is an open and honest ear when they need it and just hope that they use it before taking drastic measures.
Paz,
I definitely agree. I too have come to that conclusion. There really isn't anything you can do when someone is so deep into that space. I just pray for them. I understand their feelings.
Ms. Denva
I disagree with both of u Denverites. I think people that are suicidal can definitely be talked out of it, by the RIGHT person or people.
Or maybe it's just easier for me to believe that there aren't people in this world who devalue life so much that they'd end theirs.
Kiyotoe,
There are people in this world who devalue life that much and it is a growing problem in minority communities that people are not addressing because they believe that it doesn't happen. If you have never been to that low of a level in your life, you can never say that someone won't do something. I can understand why my friends did what they did and a few of them were suffering from mental issues that were being treated with medicine and the medicine wasn't working so, there are people where talking to them won't work because it is chemical.
Ms. Denva
Oh and Dragon,
They guy in the picture at the bottom was the first one I buried.
Ms. Denva.
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