The Silence

Okay,

This one is a little bit heavy, because it is something that has plagued me since I was 10 years old. Depression, and not just the depression that I suffer from, but depression surrounding me. I just recently found out my cousin who is more like my son has been diagnosed with what sounds like severe depression. I know how he is feeling and I know what he is going through to an extent as I too have been diagnosed with mild depression. What I am afraid of is losing another person to it. I sat down and counted how many friends I have buried to suicide and I am at 11. Seeing as I am only 26 years old that is a lot of funerals to go to in a short amount of time. My cousin has been apart of a program that gives opportunities to children so that they won't commit suicide. The program was founded by the father of a friend of mine who did commit suicide, he was the first friend in what I will now know is a long line of people who will die at their own hands. It is a scary, frustrating and saddening experience in so many ways and I am at a loss as to how to help. I am the type of person as most of you know who always wants to fix things and I really want to fix it so that he is not suffering anymore. His parents and our entire family are all working together to make sure that he is getting the help he needs which I know in my mind is all that we can do, but this is my baby. When I held this child for the first time when he was only 5 days old we were connected and it breaks my heart to see him in so much pain and I can't kiss it away like I have been able to do so many times before. I don't really know what to do, but I want him to be better and be able to see how wonderful life can be. This blog doesn't really have a question I just needed to get this out.

Amba N. Denva