Too Good To Be True

You know time and again people always say, that is something seems too good to be true, then it probably is too good to be true. Well, I have had that lesson this week in regards to my job. In my interview I was told that I get all of the vacations that my students get except summer would be a time when I would be working. I thought, "Fair enough, I mean that is better than the last job, where I didn't get any extra vacation and had to take an annual day for the day after Thanksgiving." Well now, it seems they have decided that we are Public School employees when it is convenient and state employees when it is convenient for them. I am sick and tired of crap. People just tell story left and right and then expect that employee morale will be high. PUUUUUUHLEEEZE. I am truly beginning to understand why people flip out and flash on their co-workers and bosses.

Sick of the bullshit,

Ms. Denva

The Tribute

As many of you know my cousin Rick died when I lived in L.A. It was a very difficult time for my family and myself. I know that his wife and sisters read my blog often and I have struggled to find a way to talk about him in this forum. He was awesome. He was a great friend, actor, mentor, father, cousin and a real Man. He was funny and enjoyed life, but what plagued the world was never lost on him nor did he ever down play people's pain. Emotions were real and accessible to him and he did not mind sharing. He adored his family, from his wife and sons to his very protective sisters as well as the plethora of extended family. He was a man of compassion and giving and it is only fitting that the cartoon attached to this blog pays a little bit of tribute to a wonderful man. We all miss and love him and many are working on picking up the broken pieces. I know however that he would want us to continue to live and remember his memory and not dwell on his passing. So this is for you 'Cus! I love you so very much and miss you everyday.

Amber

Pain

Have you ever stopped to notice the amount of pain you are in everyday? It may be physical or emotional or both, but there is pain. I am thinking more about this as I have been in both for some time now. I am working on things to improve the amount of pain I am in, but nonetheless, I am in pain.

Now I am not saying that we should rid ourselves of pain altogether as it is am important part of learning. Without physical pain we would not learn to listen, don't touch the hot stove or listen to our bodies, man my knee hurts maybe I should see if I need that surgery. Pain has its place and its purpose I am just not sure that I am enjoying the abundance of it in my life.

I have also realized that people will inflict pain on you unconciously and then it is up to you as to whether or not you will bear the burden of that physical or emotional pain, that was not meant to be that in the first place. Ughhh!

A movie the exemplifies pain is Crash. What an awesome movie. It rips off America's racial band aid and begins to pour peroxide in the festering wound of inequality, bigotry, prejudice and racism in general. There were all kinds of emotional pain and a few moments of physical pain in that movie. The one that stuck out for me was the moment when the cop stopped the Black couple and felt the woman up while the man had no choice but to watch. The pain that the cop sent through that couple was not just for that night, but a wound that is sooo deep seeded in African-American history. That of emasculating the Black man.

We have seen the lynching photos with the genitals cut off to symbolize control over the Black man, and yet daily Black men are emasculated and pained by society, their women and the world over.

So, when does the pain stop. At what point is enough, enough? I need someone, anyone to stand up and stop taking pain as apart of life and begin to make it as apart from life as possible.

Sounding off,

Ms. Denva

The Feeling Of Music

Again my good friend the Dragon has been the muse for a blog. I am gonna have to stop reading his stuff first. LOL. On to the blog.

Have you really ever had a song that evoked such a strong emotion in you that when you hear it you are virtually paralyzed? There are a few songs that do that for me. The first is Who's Gonna Drive You Home by the Cars. That has creepy emotions and causes nightmares for me. I won't speak of them. They are very scary. The other, however is my most favorite song in the entire song world. I have never had another song touch me so deeply and positively in my life. This song is the song that when life sucks or is super great I listen to, what song do you ask? Orinoco Flow by Enya. What a magnificent song! It brings mental images to me of colors, freedom, oceans and peace that can not be paralleled or even verbalized fully. It is the song that when I hear it sleeping brings dreams of peace, hope and ultimately love. I am gonna turn it on right now as I type this blog, just to have the endorphin rush. Man, what a great song! I know this seems a bit odd, but this is the song I want to be played at my funeral. It is the true essence of my soul. It calms me. As I listen to it now, I feel like I am on a secret vacation or mission like those in the books by Francis Ray. I want to visit all of the places and see all of the people and things that are expressed in this song. It makes the world seem like a welcoming place and not the war torn, scary place it is becoming. Please share your favorite songs.

"...Sail away, sail away, sail away..."

Ms. Denva

So friends I am really beginning to wonder is it all worth it. Relationships I mean. I have been in a few and from my experience, it sucks. People fall in like, they call, they talk, they get to know each other, the disagree, they fight, they make up. Then they fall in love and do all the same crap, but in my case they either break up or disappear. What is up with that? I have friends who are going through the same thing and I just can't figure out what the deal is. Now granted it may be me. I am very driven and busy, but I try to make time for that person, to talk to them, to be there for them, to spend time with them, all while working and going to school full time. So, yes I am a little busy but there is always time for cake. :-) I dunno, I think I have just been soured on the whole relationships, dating, marriage thing all together. I mean why keep putting yourself out there only to keep getting tropped on like a grape in a winery? Let me know.

Can do bad by myself,

Ms. Denva